Learning To Be Positive
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ATTITUDE OF YOUR MIND
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Learning To Be Positive
“All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.” – Proverbs 21:2
The next section provides you with the 5 stages of developing a negative heart, mind, speech, anxiety, and depression. The list in each stage is not finite, but an attempt to get you to think about what relates to you. Each stage is a process of how the heart and mind work together to produce the ungodly thoughts, tongue, defense, attitude, anxiety and depression:
1st STAGE - Examples
Emotions/Feelings in the Heart - Not Processed/Ignored: Individuals will usually feel the emotion as it hits their heart, or their stomach. You want to practice allowing yourself to feel the emotion without retreating to a more comfortable emotion, or reaction. As you feel the emotion, please focus on the thoughts that are connected to it. For example, you are driving along and see a roadside memorial of flowers; become sad and have a sickening feeling in your stomach. You remember the death of a friend from a car accident. As you allow the sadness to stay, you began to cry a little at the thought of missing your friend; but, also remember that your sadness will not last forever; your thoughts turn to the wonderful memories of your friend. When you do not process, or ignore the emotion of sadness, your brain has to do something with the response. You get angry, eat, drink, or do drugs to feel better; become depressed and anxious – all negative responses that you will keep repeating, until you deal with the real emotion.
despair trapped abandoned depressed
anxious fearful different angry
inadequate helpless guilty obsessed
intimidated nervous left out distress
rejected powerless stupid lonely
worried messed up vulnerable sad
2nd STAGE
Critical Thoughts - Cognitive Distortions (Burns, 1999): Please read and study each distortion with examples and identify those that affect you. Write down your negative thoughts so you can see which of the distortions (false thoughts and statements), you often think, or say. This will make it easier to process the problem in a more positive and realistic way. The ones you identify are the ones you will work on changing to the truth. The 2nd and 3rd steps of CCBT are important for change. The distortions are learned and then practiced changing to the positive. A daily practice of changing your negative thoughts to the truth (positive) will have you on the way to your transformation, which decreases the negative mood symptoms. If you are a positive person, you can assist by also learning the distortions and correcting a family member, or friend, when you hear their critical voice.
Jumping to Conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. “I’m not going to a party, because I won’t have fun.” “If I go on vacation like everyone else, I will lose my job.” You make negative assumptions about what people are thinking; what they will say; and how they will act/behave, or anything about their past, present, and future. Remember only God has these attributes. You are not telepathic – you can not know what someone is thinking, feeling, or what they will say, or do.
Mind Reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out. “This person is trying to do something to me.” “I know what they are thinking.” “I know they are talking about me, when they are whispering.” You are not telepathic – you can not know what someone is thinking, feeling, or what they will say, or do.
Fortune-telling: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact. “I know I’m going to get the run around.” “I’m a loser that’s why I will never get married, no one wants me.” Only God knows the future.
Mental Filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that overall reality becomes darkened, like the glass that is discolored by a single drop of ink. “I failed this morning so the rest of my day is ruined.” “I really messed up that presentation, there was too much sun on the screen and it was hard to see, I'll never get it right.” “I woke up late; it’s going to be a bad day.” The negative thoughts are not true. What evidence do you have that supports your conclusion?
Labeling and Mislabeling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing an error, you attach a negative label to yourself. “I’m a failure,” or to someone else, “he/she’s a jerk.” Mislabeling involves describing an event, or person with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. “That was a really stupid graduation.” Using a negative label, or calling someone a negative name is not godly nor Christ like.
All or Nothing Thinking (no shades of gray): You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure. “I really messed up this time that makes me a total failure.” Even those you consider to be great performers, acknowledge when they make mistakes.
Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never ending pattern. You don’t get the job you were applying for, “I’m never going to get a job.” “A person like that was rude to me, all those kind of people are rude.” Being prejudice against any group of people is ungodly.
Catastrophizing/Magnification/Minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up, or someone else’s achievement). Or, you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities and the other’s imperfections). “I made a mistake, I’m ruined” (catastrophizing). You get an important award but tell yourself, “That still doesn’t really mean I’m accomplished in my field” (minimizing). “I didn’t get an ‘A’, I’m a failure” (magnification). Examine the evidence for your critical thoughts and statements – all are false.
Personalization: You feel that someone is directing their actions or words at you. “He/she did that to irritate me.” Or, you feel you are responsible for something bad happening. A colleague gets fired and you determine that, “It must be my fault because I didn’t show them the ropes.” You are responsible for only your own actions.
Blaming Others: You hold other people responsible for your pain, or for every problem. “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” “You made me hit you.” “Look what you made me do.” “Because of you, I didn’t get the promotion.” Only you have control over your own emotions and emotional reactions.
Implied Should Statements: You ask someone for a behavior change or action without actually saying so. You imply that they should be doing something else. “Don’t you have something better to do?” (“You should leave me alone”). Others cannot read your mind, state the actions you wish others to perform.
Should Statements: You motivate yourself with should(s) and should not(s), as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. The emotional consequence is guilt. “I really shouldn’t have done that.” Must(s) and ought(s) are also offenders. When directed toward others, it’s done out of anger, frustration and resentment. “He/she should help me.” Again, others cannot read your mind, state the actions you wish others to perform. Try to commit to staying away from using could have, should have, ought to have, etc. The past is the past and cannot be changed. These statements are regrets that you repeat to yourself and make you depressed or anxious.
Emotional Reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions reflect the way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.” You do not have the attributes of God.
Please continue to pray and begin memorizing the distortions so you can recognize when you and others use them.
3rd STAGE - Examples 4th STAGE - Examples
Critical Thoughts of the Mind Producing the Critical Tongue
nobody here likes me God can’t love me
they will sabotage me I’m stupid
he/she won’t go out with me I will never be happy
those people can’t be trusted they think I’m worthless
all church people are hypocrites they’re judging me
he/she thinks he’s/she’s so smart you don’t know how to do that?
you don’t value me what about me?
5th STAGE - Examples
Ungodly Defense (d) and Attitude of:
passive aggressive (d) control of others envious cynical
bitterness manipulative condescending arrogant
selfish holding a grudge regression (d) spiteful
insecure prejudice noncommittal no grace for others
avoidance/shy lack of empathy blaming others (d) denial (d)
no determination gossiper grouchy acting out (d)
fantasy (d) projection (d) withdrawal (d) negative assumptions (d)
complainer liar jealousy destructive habits
It Takes Work To Change The Mind
" . . . The Lord is with you when you are with him. If you seek him he will be found by you, . . .” - 2Chornicles 15:2
Being committed to the work of Christian CBT, to change the mind, the heart, the defense, attitude, and reduce the anxiety and depression is not an easy process, nor is the journey with God. To work on changing yourself into a new creation is a daily battle of exercising the mind (Romans 7:15 – . . . “For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do”). Teaching you Christian CBT is simple, but learning to change your negative responses takes hard work. The hard work is exercising the mind by doing homework (2nd P and 3rd P), on a daily basis along with prayer. With God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, you will be successful in being made new, as you work having the hope of change in the forefront of your mind. “ . . . For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him” – 2Chornicles 16:9. Using Christian CBT, to make changes is a daily process of:
1st P – prayer: integrating prayer consistently and meditating on God’s word
2nd P – process: memorizing the list of distortions; recognizing your negative thoughts, language, and ungodly defenses and attitudes
3rd P – practice: changing each negative thought, statement and behavior to the positive (think about what is the opposite of the negative; removing the negative attitude and immature defense)
The key to stopping the negative that is false is to be determined to believe the reverse –positive, which is the truth; and practice positive behavior changes. You will be successful, because you have the Trinity to encourage and strengthen you daily. God really wants you to be the person He planned for you to be. Remember what we tell the little children – God don’t make no junk – also applies to you! "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; . . ." Jeremiah 1:5. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29:11.
Again, the constant daily practice of the 3P’s will have you recognizing the negative thoughts,, language, ungodly attitude and immature defenses. For example, an anxious and depressed client studying the distortions for a few months said, “Guys just want someone that wears a size 2, and will not want me.” After a few seconds, they said, “Oh, I can’t believe I said that.” I asked them to tell me the distortions they were using in this statement. Their list was correct: jumping to conclusions; mind reading; fortune-telling; and overgeneralization. Because of their diligence in using the 3P’s daily their symptoms decreased significantly.
Please continue the CCBT process by meditating daily on God’s word, with continual prayer; and daily practice of turning the negative into positive. Renewing the “Attitude of Your Mind” is an attempt to assist you:
as you climb the mountains of life’s journey
to get back on the road God planned for you
to be your best disciple of Christ
When you reach this mountain top, you will look out at a beautiful colorful life trusting in the Trinity.
Until Next Time – Give God the Glory,
Dr. Terri L. Thompson
Excerpts from book “Be Happy - Let God Renew the Attitude of Your Mind” by Dr. Terri L. Thompson
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Licensed Clinical Psychologist